Dear friends and lovers of life,
One of my deepest desires is to empower women and lovers of women to rise up together, in solidarity for peace on Earth, equality and LIBERTY! This post is an extremely relevant chapter from my newly released book “One Becomes One”, available on Amazon.com.
“The Vagina Dialogue” in in honor of V-Day, being celebrated around the world. Halleluja! “On V-Day’s 15th Anniversary, 14 February 2013, we are inviting ONE BILLION women and those who love them to WALK OUT, DANCE, RISE UP, and DEMAND an end to violence against women.” from www.OneBillionRising.org
If you live in Nashville and are either a woman or a lover of women, you can join the dance of life gathering at the Parthenon…details here.
Peace on Earth!
“The face that launched a thousand ships is sinking fast – that happens, you know.” Genesis, from the album “Trick of the Tail”
Sisters, can we talk? Let’s be honest: no face ever launched a thousand ships! Not even the loveliest feminine visage ever caused a man to climb a mountain, swim an ocean or slay a dragon. The face has never been the goal of any heterosexual male – it’s the promise of pussy in the eyes of the face that face! That’s what launched a thousand ships, climbed every mountain, swam every ocean and slayed every dragon.
I’m a girl, a woman, a mother, a grandmother, an author, an ordained minister of God – and I have a vagina. I’ve had it long enough that I have made some realizations about our historical (and hysterical) misuses of the power it contains, and I want to share. The vagina holds such magnificent influence that I believe right use (the real meaning of ‘righteous’) has the power to save the world.
I’m not kidding.
You can learn a lot from daytime television. Most of it, you never wanted to know. An episode of “The Maury Show” is forever burned in my memory. A 17-year-old girl appeared on the show with her three-year-old daughter for the purpose of performing a DNA paternity test on the thirteenth (13th!) young man, meaning that twelve previous DNA tests had been performed. Mr. 13 wasn’t the lucky winner either. The depravity of “The Maury Show” continued with effusive promises to find the baby daddy, reaping more humiliation, sensationalism and ratings, but I digress.
Mr. 13 cared nothing about the young woman or her child. She was ‘just a neighborhood slut’ and he only ‘did her for a free ride.’ He had nothing but contempt for her. Her vagina was simply an available receptacle for his penis. The young woman told Maury abortion was ‘wrong’…but obviously, unprotected sex with any neighborhood penis was ‘right.’ Did this little sister of ours ever learn anything about birth control or safe sex? Did she have access to a free birth control clinic, or did the abortion haters close the one in her city with bomb threats? Totally twisted, isn’t it?
How did we allow this to happen? What can we do about it?
My dear sisters young and old, the answer lies right between our legs. The answer also includes stuff like responsibility, decency and morality. The answer also means thinking with your own brain, instead of being led around by the horrible examples movie and rock stars offer, by advertising or by what other girls are doing.
Before we go any further, we need to understand some fascinating facts of human biology. First, the largest cell in the human body is the female egg, about 30 microns across, almost large enough to be seen with the naked eye. The smallest cell is the male sperm at less than 3 microns across, making the egg, by volume, nearly 100 times larger than the sperm. The female egg is also the rarest cell. At birth, the average female has about 2 million eggs, but over her lifetime only 300-400 eggs will actually come to maturity to be released during ovulation for potential fertilization.
Think about this situation: the rarest, most precious human cell is the ovum, or egg. And to make the ovum even more precious, it is available for fertilization for just a few hours once a month on a good month, and to make procreation even more complex, the female is often unaware when ovulation occurs.
The smallest cell, the sperm, isn’t the most plentiful cell (skin and blood cells are) but there is no lack of sperm cells in the average human male, who will produce between 100 million and 10 billion sperm cells every day from the average age of 12 until the day he dies.
Biology sets the scene: the ovum, largest and rarest human cell with a window of availability between 24-48 hours a month, compensated by the sperm, smallest human cell, available in overwhelming abundance 24/7, 365 days a year. The male of the species is ready anywhere, anytime, with anyone. It is a fact of biology, God help us all. At least in that way, guys really can’t help it. The fact that they don’t help it with alarming frequency is another matter. But women, the answer to a guys’ inability to keep it in his pants is located right between our legs.
The mere sight of a female arouses the visual cortex of the male and bing! He’s firmly ready for action. This is biology. The biology of male arousal explains how (‘why’ is more complex) society has created Playboy, Penthouse and porn. Just like you’ve always surmised, the male visual cortex is wired directly to his penis! Since he doesn’t know when or if the woman in his sight is fertile, nature made certain he would be ready for the impregnation process at all times.
In the Stone Age and without knowing how, the Neanderthals knew only the female can give life. Neanderthal males were only concerned with their biological desires. Neanderthal females knew they were the ones who would stop bleeding, grow big and round and eventually, after great pain, give birth to a new Neanderthal life.
To the Neanderthal mind, when a female stopped bleeding, a baby began to grow in her belly. The idea ‘blood is life’ had its beginnings. Once the baby was born, something miraculous happened for Neanderthal mother: maternal instinct, the unquenchable desire to hold her baby close to her body, which turned on baby’s instinct to find her life-giving milk. Neanderthal male was out of the picture, because Neanderthal female seemed to be all about this new life thing. Since Neanderthal male didn’t seem to have a role, Neanderthal male was free to roam…and so it continues.
Neanderthal mother and baby, in their position of weakness, needed their strong male to fill the role of protection and provision. The naturally dissimilar roles of male and female are not inherently unequal just because society has chosen to see them that way. We women have lost a lot by embracing equality with males at the expense of being fully female. Adding stress and pressure from the male-dominated work world to the responsibility of child rearing has done little, if anything, toward advancing the female or the family. In the name of equality, we now send our daughters to war so they too can suffer the same indignities, injuries and mental torture as men, against the most basic maternal instincts of life-giving, nurturing and caring…but I digress.
Since women were the life-givers, most early civilizations were matriarchies. Women ruled, because women were in control of survival itself. But about 3,000 BCE, things changed. Observing the animal kingdom brought realization: the male had a vital role in the creation of life! Without the male seed, the female would not reproduce. Man became sword bearer and conqueror, and the patriarchy (male rule) came into being, with freedom to roam intact. So it continues today.
Funny Bible knowledge: Moses, founder of the Jewish religion, the guy who met God in the burning bush and led the Jews out of bondage to Egypt was described by these words when he died: “his vigor had not abated.”* This phrase means that Moses’ liver and bladder might have shut down, but good old Moses could still catch wood. Moses remained a mighty pillar of patriarchy, able to brandish his ‘sword’ to the end.
Women and girls, my sisters everywhere: the truth is, boys will be boys. From deep ancestral memory, aroused by their visual cortex, boys follow their pointing penis – exactly as you suspected. When they’re 12 or so, every day they produce mega-sperm and those sperm cells want OUT. Using any vagina as a sperm receptacle is their preferred method of releasing those dammed-up sperm cells. That’s biology.
You, the vagina carrier, have the power of choice to allow admittance.
Remember, it wasn’t a face that launched a thousand ships – it was the promise of pussy, the golden triangle, the cuckoo’s nest, the scabbard, nature’s tufted treasure! “The Female Member” by Kit Schwartz offers six hundred nicknames men have concocted for the vagina, because guys are perfectly happy seeing you as a vagina (by any name), not a person. We call this the ‘objectification of women,’ where we are seen not as people, but objects or possessions. Female objectification is everywhere in our society. Far too many men are happy to treat women as sperm receptacles because far too many women will let them! Our societies (patriarchies!) foster, sell and almost require girls and women to display the low self-worth that says we have no choice but to allow admittance.
Biologically-rooted ‘thinking’ is callous and immature. We are called by God, male and female, to go above and beyond our biology; beyond ‘survival of the fittest’ and ‘those who have the gold make the rules,’ above and beyond treating each other as objects to be bought and sold, prized and discarded.
Sexual connection feeds a deeper longing and profound need for connection. The male need for the female vagina goes far beyond releasing sperm: men deeply need a sense of home. It is no coincidence that the words ‘home’ ‘om’ ‘amen’ ‘mom’ and ‘womb’ have the same vibration: these are primordial sounds. I have sons and I know this to be true: boys and men often feel lost and terrified. Upon leaving the sanctity of ‘womb’ and facing the cruel world, they often make the wrong decisions, opting for the easy way. And because we let them, guys will ride an endless series of pussies only to have contempt for the free ride. Meanwhile the deepest desire of the male soul for the fulfillment of ‘home’ remains unfulfilled. An impersonal lay brings satisfaction to no one.
Pay attention, because what comes next is the key to saving the world.
Sisters, if we made it our policy that only well-balanced, peace-loving, critically-thinking genius types were allowed to touch our vaginas, we would soon raise up a generation of well-balanced, peace-loving, critically-thinking genius types! But we allow the bad boys, the married men, the dumb jocks, the addict rock stars, the drug dealers, the powerful politicians, the guy who can get us a job, a raise, a promotion: all these guys we have allowed into our vaginas instead. And all these guys treat us with contempt, however subtle. I’m not criticizing any of us, male or female, because that’s our society. I admit to the same mistakes with my vagina.
Most of us girls have been shattered, and that’s why we share ourselves sexually in ways that hurt us. Many of us have been poorly fathered, abandoned, abused, betrayed, neglected and ignored…and we deeply need fathering. We make the mistake of looking to almost any guy for the male nurturing we so profoundly need. For that few minutes of closeness, for the perception of bonding with a male, we risk and sacrifice our most precious treasure.
But we can and must overcome these wrong-headed, immature, biologically-based decisions. I have realized my mistakes and learned their lessons. The beauty of teaching and learning is that you can learn through me, without the mistakes!
How we express our intimate sexuality defines the essence of who we are. My beloved Ahyh and I never even kissed before we were married, and that kind of commitment was the most sacred, beautiful and liberating experience of my life. We are ‘home’ together. Our mutual expression of intimacy leads me to a new kind of liberation that I pray for you.
An ancient gender-based paradigm shapes and controls our society, and we women have the power to change it. The laws of the land and the males who make the rules aren’t going to do the job. Neanderthal biology established the physiological, mammalian truth that males are programmed this way: it’s the system. The one control mechanism in the system is who will let him. Women and girls have the key, the switch and the power to control the system with our loving commitment to real life and liberation (as above) and with our legs (so below).
When he was younger, Ahyh told a joke to his buddies about the kind of woman he was looking for, saying “She’d have to meet my exacting criteria if I’m going to do her.” His exacting criteria? “She’d have to let me!” The guys would guffaw and slap each other on the back when he reached the punch line, “It’s amazing how few are qualified!” But after years of his own mistakes and dead end pathways, finding pussy but no home and longing for the warmth of a sacramental relationship, he changed the criteria into a non-joke, “She’d have to be qualified and worthy.”
Even as intensely spiritual as he is, Ahyh was 45 before he realized that there was more to his life than finding a sperm receptacle.
Sisters, we need to realize our worth earlier in life, for ourselves, our young men and our coming children. Women must employ maturity when it comes to sexuality, because unless your man is spiritually mature, he won’t! When women rise in consciousness and decide they will only mate with men who are intelligent, responsible, honest, hard-working and committed spiritual family men, we will raise up a generation of males and females who are intelligent, responsible, honest, hard-working and committed spiritual family people. The guys who aren’t gettin’ any will want to learn that kind of balance!
Samira Akhmed, a woman, teacher and activist from Sudan, learned the ‘power of the pussy’ from an ancient Greek comedy by Aristophanes. Samira had enough of war in Sudan, so like a heroine in Aristophanes’ play, she decided to employ the power of pussy to protest war. She assembled a veritable army of like-minded women and against the traditional Islam, the women committed to ‘Al-Khair,’ or refusing sex with men, reckoning that their husbands would come to peaceful agreements if they were deprived of sex. Samira declared “This is my duty towards all women who make their best to bring up children in the country ruined by war.”
Women around the globe need to remove all sexual support from sword-fighting conquering ‘heroes.’ From sports stars to street fighters, bad boys to Wall Street tycoons and from philandering self-righteous politicians to war-mongering presidents, we must withdraw our support, because the ancient, biologically-based paradigm shapes them all. Playing smarter and wiser with our vaginas, we won’t have to ‘choose life’ or abort, a terrible choice that destroys souls.
The Maury Show opened a window on a heartbreaking and completely avoidable story. The young woman on her 13th paternity test at age 17 simply deserved better! Her unworthiness allowed umpteen boys to abuse and forget her. This is not ‘sexual liberation,’ but bondage a thousand times worse than slavery because it was voluntary. Her own baby girl deserves to grow up with a father, not a sperm donor or a money supplier: a loving, caring, hand-holding, bicycle-fixing, dinner-making daddy.
“To all the girls who are in a hurry to have a boyfriend or get married, a piece of Biblical advice: ‘Ruth patiently waited for her mate Boaz.’ While you are waiting for your Boaz, don’t settle for any of his relatives: Broke-az, Po-az, Lyin-az, Cheating-az, Dumb-az, Drunk-az, Cheap-az, Lockedup-az, Goodfornothing-az, Lazy-az, and especially his third cousin Beatinyou-az. Wait on your Boaz and make sure he respects Yoaz.” (author unknown)
Boys will remain boys, as long as we let them. When we no longer let them, we will begin to raise a race of men.
I humbly offer this vagina dialogue as a pathway to liberation.